Melania says I need a backup plan in case I don’t get elected President again. She says she’s not going to visit me in prison.
(I’m not sure she plans on visiting me in the White House.)
I had a dream last night where my father was visiting me behind bars, and laughing about it.
I can’t go to jail. They can’t send me to jail! Can they? Wouldn’t it have to be house arrest, like that president in “24?” (I loved that show, lots of violence!)
If I don’t put off all the trials until after the election, I mean, after I win the election, I’m screwed. I know that.
I’m going to have to say what I have to say to stay out of jail. It’s only words. I got slammed for telling more than 30,000 “lies” as President, but a lie is just something that isn’t true yet.
Or as Rudy says, lies are constitutionally protected speech.
It’s my facts, and I’ll lie if I want to.
But that may not get me off the hook from Joe Biden and the crooked Dems. They’re treating every little law like a murder case. Give me a break! One of my lawyers said keeping the documents at Mar-a-Lago was like holding on to some overdue library books—they can send me to jail for that?
I need another plan. I could take MBS up on that offer to move to his kingdom, but like Mel Brooks says, it’s good to be the King, and I’m it. My father would say only losers go to jail—and I’m not going to give him the last laugh.
The problem is…the problem is the words. I know words don’t matter, but still, I’m going to have to say the words.
I’m going to have to plead guilty to something. I’m going to have to accept a deal.
A deal…a deal…
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
It’s my name on The Art of the Deal—I can make any deal work. My writer put that thing in the book about “truthful hyperbole:”
“I play to people’s fantasies. . . . People want to believe that something is the biggest and the greatest and the most spectacular. I call it truthful hyperbole. It’s an innocent form of exaggeration—and it’s a very effective form of promotion.”
What they call “lies” in the liberal media my people know is just me telling it like it is.
They’ll understand if I say it was the “Art of the Deal” if I “plead guilty” to “crimes” if that’s the way to keep our movement going. Because it’s about MAGA—not Me! (I like that one—gotta tell Scavino).
But actually, it is about me, and Chris Christie is right. I’m terrified of going to jail.
And I don’t really want to be President, either. I just don’t want to be a loser!
So I’ll stay in the race as long as I can, and when they come to me and beg me for the good of the country to accept a deal that keeps me out of jail if I don’t run for President, I’ll say yes.
I’ll say I had my fingers crossed when they got to the word “guilty.”
And then I’ll tell my people to stay with me on Truth Social, keep sending me donations and go back to not voting in elections.
What am I going to do, endorse Glenn Youngkin?
I bet I’ll raise more money than ever.